先前, 三月初, 我就把自己當犯人般的關在圖書管裡,拼死拼活的準備托福考試....
結果當然裡所當然的考過了~ 但是問題也就陸續的來了~
What am I going to do next?
結果當然裡所當然的考過了~ 但是問題也就陸續的來了~
What am I going to do next?
- 3月 26 週一 200720:59
what am I going to do next?
- 3月 26 週一 200708:18
I"m free now
A year ago, American friend of mine wrote me an email, and told me that I was not an independent girl. I depended on him too much. He didn’t want me become to his burden at all. So the friendship didn’t work out, eventually.
After a year, I was still carrying on these words which caused me not to stay in free at Unite States. I never felt I was good or fine. I never stopped learning everything about American culture and English as well, even though I did good that I still felt I’m friends’ burden. I was a crap and I pushed myself so hard. I had really low self-esteem when I hung out with American. I would never felt comfortable with American. I was punished by myself with these words until spring break. I went to New Orleans for mission trip. I really have no idea what did I want to prove myself during this trip. Apparently, It was a searched-myself trip. We worked for God; we worked together and shared everyday together. We are family of Christ. During the trip, I can’t speak Chinese; I have to take care of myself, even though sometimes I can’t catch up some conversations but I can figure out later on. I spoke out at the group meeting to share how I appreciated this trip and these friends. Some friends love to hang out with me after working all the day. Therefore, I was always around people. Sometimes I made lots of jokes and they love it. Every night during this trip, I always asked myself, Am I a burden for them? I don’t think so. I should let the words go--Just let it go.
This morning I went church. I told God, “Please tell me, I’m not a burden of American. Please let me free.” I cried so hard. It was so hurt. I believe THE friend of mine should be the person is punished instead of me. I forgive him for his blindness because I lost one good friendship but God gave me lots of friends and my self-esteems back. I should be a girl worthy to be loved. I should be a girl who can do herself. I should be a girl who sometimes can be relax and lazy. I am a girl who should live in free.
After a year, I was still carrying on these words which caused me not to stay in free at Unite States. I never felt I was good or fine. I never stopped learning everything about American culture and English as well, even though I did good that I still felt I’m friends’ burden. I was a crap and I pushed myself so hard. I had really low self-esteem when I hung out with American. I would never felt comfortable with American. I was punished by myself with these words until spring break. I went to New Orleans for mission trip. I really have no idea what did I want to prove myself during this trip. Apparently, It was a searched-myself trip. We worked for God; we worked together and shared everyday together. We are family of Christ. During the trip, I can’t speak Chinese; I have to take care of myself, even though sometimes I can’t catch up some conversations but I can figure out later on. I spoke out at the group meeting to share how I appreciated this trip and these friends. Some friends love to hang out with me after working all the day. Therefore, I was always around people. Sometimes I made lots of jokes and they love it. Every night during this trip, I always asked myself, Am I a burden for them? I don’t think so. I should let the words go--Just let it go.
This morning I went church. I told God, “Please tell me, I’m not a burden of American. Please let me free.” I cried so hard. It was so hurt. I believe THE friend of mine should be the person is punished instead of me. I forgive him for his blindness because I lost one good friendship but God gave me lots of friends and my self-esteems back. I should be a girl worthy to be loved. I should be a girl who can do herself. I should be a girl who sometimes can be relax and lazy. I am a girl who should live in free.
- 3月 26 週一 200701:12
mission trip
在我十九歲，高三的冬天，因為氣喘的緣故我被送進急診室，一周三次。
記得在第二次時，我完全已經昏去，手腳筋鑾抽蓄無法自制，但是我仍看的到醫生護士們在替我急救，她們在我氣管插入呼吸器，給我強心針，我知道一切在我身上發生的事，但我什麼都不能做。當時的我，心情一點也不緊張，完全沒有意識到自身離死神有多麼的靠近。在我眼前的爸媽，抱在一起，看到我媽著急的留下眼淚。。。
New Orleans的人，不知道花過多少淚水，多少的日數在哭泣。她們失去全部的一切，幸運的人，還有個空殼的房屋，不幸的人失去了家人，失去的比我們想像的還要多。
記得在第二次時，我完全已經昏去，手腳筋鑾抽蓄無法自制，但是我仍看的到醫生護士們在替我急救，她們在我氣管插入呼吸器，給我強心針，我知道一切在我身上發生的事，但我什麼都不能做。當時的我，心情一點也不緊張，完全沒有意識到自身離死神有多麼的靠近。在我眼前的爸媽，抱在一起，看到我媽著急的留下眼淚。。。
New Orleans的人，不知道花過多少淚水，多少的日數在哭泣。她們失去全部的一切，幸運的人，還有個空殼的房屋，不幸的人失去了家人，失去的比我們想像的還要多。
- 3月 15 週四 200722:48
瑞士記者眼中的台北
台灣有什麼樣的脈動？世上沒有任何一個國家的人像台灣一樣，工作時數每年高達2,282小時，30%的人每週工作超過62小時。台灣人口密度高居世界第二，只低於孟加拉。雖然台灣面積小於瑞士，卻是20個最成功的工業國家之一。台灣是筆記型電腦製造的領導先驅，有世界第三大外匯存款，也是手機密度最高的地區（平均每人擁有1,14支手機）。然而，只有三個國家的性生活是少於台灣，且根據「Elle」雜誌研究指出，台灣女性是世界上最不快樂的。台灣同時也是最多戴近視眼鏡的國家...................(台灣的愛與寂寞 - 瑞士記者眼中的台北)
從五色鳥的blog看到這篇
http://blog.pixnet.net/haofeng/post/3149048
出處是這裡-瑞士記者眼中的台北
http://www.mjswiss.com/detail.php?ya_id=145
還有瑞士記者看台北
http://www.mjswiss.com/detail.php?ya_id=123
從ㄚ多仔眼裡看到許多我們習以為常的文化和小細節.很有趣.也值得省思..
看完也只能嘆口氣.我的根在哪裡?
從五色鳥的blog看到這篇
http://blog.pixnet.net/haofeng/post/3149048
出處是這裡-瑞士記者眼中的台北
http://www.mjswiss.com/detail.php?ya_id=145
還有瑞士記者看台北
http://www.mjswiss.com/detail.php?ya_id=123
從ㄚ多仔眼裡看到許多我們習以為常的文化和小細節.很有趣.也值得省思..
看完也只能嘆口氣.我的根在哪裡?
- 3月 04 週日 200712:06
I"m a monkey in a circus
Lately, I was thinking” how good is good enough.” How to be a real one on the earth also? I read one note on face-book from a friend of mine. The note mentioned how to fight with depress and also about being a real you! Do yourself and deal with all the pressure upon you. Sometimes you should need to fight for yourself. The things the note mentioned that I totally agreed with but I just couldn't help thinking, who is real I on the earth? Therefore, I even couldn't define myself and then how can I be myself as well? “Easier said then done” I really don’t know who I am again.
When people leave from their own country to another one, people may feel excited about that, they may feel everything is so interesting and so attracting. After a while, people may feel sick about all of the things and start to feel homesick, and they may want to get out of there. People may complain everything around them and never agree with that. Worse than this they HATE it. They tried to fit into the culture, but eventually, it doesn’t work at all.
“When people feel confused about the own identities, sometimes it’s a helpful sign for that people are going to go though culture shock”. There is my second time for culture shock experience. I have lots of friends here, but how many is real friends of mine? I can speak in English but I don’t feel I belong here. The fact that is what I can do that doesn’t mean anything for me. I try to fit into this country so hard, I eat what they eat, I wear what they wear, I do what they usual do, but still I don’t belong here. I realized I have two identities, Taiwan and America, but I’m not either of them. I work so hard, but eventually, friend of mine said I’m his burden. We are judged by people all the time and it is understandable b/c we are foreigners. People may judge what we wear, what language we spoke, things are kind of for good. But when people’s passion past away, who really want to know us? Back to the point, am I worth to be an outcast of here? I don’t know. I HATE cultural shock.
When people leave from their own country to another one, people may feel excited about that, they may feel everything is so interesting and so attracting. After a while, people may feel sick about all of the things and start to feel homesick, and they may want to get out of there. People may complain everything around them and never agree with that. Worse than this they HATE it. They tried to fit into the culture, but eventually, it doesn’t work at all.
“When people feel confused about the own identities, sometimes it’s a helpful sign for that people are going to go though culture shock”. There is my second time for culture shock experience. I have lots of friends here, but how many is real friends of mine? I can speak in English but I don’t feel I belong here. The fact that is what I can do that doesn’t mean anything for me. I try to fit into this country so hard, I eat what they eat, I wear what they wear, I do what they usual do, but still I don’t belong here. I realized I have two identities, Taiwan and America, but I’m not either of them. I work so hard, but eventually, friend of mine said I’m his burden. We are judged by people all the time and it is understandable b/c we are foreigners. People may judge what we wear, what language we spoke, things are kind of for good. But when people’s passion past away, who really want to know us? Back to the point, am I worth to be an outcast of here? I don’t know. I HATE cultural shock.
- 1月 25 週四 200700:02
生活
生活,不就是對自己生命的一種態度嗎?
即使時間不同,空間不同,地點不同,僅管無論古今中外,或是任意一人在世界的某一角, 生活? 不就是對自己生命的一種態度嗎?
今早天還在黑時,我醒來,花了五秒時間竟去思考--"我在哪阿?"--還記得去年回到台灣後的第一周,我睡醒後也認不出我在哪個國家哪張床上,身旁的景物是如此熟析,卻混亂的不知道我該用哪種語言面對今天的生活. 這,沒有誇張,到美國的第二週我問了自己,為什麼我要花時間再去確認我處在哪國家哪個房間哪張床上,反卻不是花時間躺在床上想想今天有哪些事情將要完成呢? 我深吸了口氣,觀察一下,確定了(人在美國),便離開睡房走向廚房,很順手的打開流理台上的廚櫃拿出咖啡粉--恩~今早來個兩匙咖啡吧!--非常慣性的拿出濾紙,放到咖啡機裡再順手放了兩匙咖啡,按下開關on,我便走向浴室裡打開熱水,準備迎接新的一天.
即使時間不同,空間不同,地點不同,僅管無論古今中外,或是任意一人在世界的某一角, 生活? 不就是對自己生命的一種態度嗎?
今早天還在黑時,我醒來,花了五秒時間竟去思考--"我在哪阿?"--還記得去年回到台灣後的第一周,我睡醒後也認不出我在哪個國家哪張床上,身旁的景物是如此熟析,卻混亂的不知道我該用哪種語言面對今天的生活. 這,沒有誇張,到美國的第二週我問了自己,為什麼我要花時間再去確認我處在哪國家哪個房間哪張床上,反卻不是花時間躺在床上想想今天有哪些事情將要完成呢? 我深吸了口氣,觀察一下,確定了(人在美國),便離開睡房走向廚房,很順手的打開流理台上的廚櫃拿出咖啡粉--恩~今早來個兩匙咖啡吧!--非常慣性的拿出濾紙,放到咖啡機裡再順手放了兩匙咖啡,按下開關on,我便走向浴室裡打開熱水,準備迎接新的一天.
- 1月 20 週六 200721:31
break up! part 2 !!
上次提到分手藝術,這次不能在避免提到自己的經驗了
闊別八個月後,我回到美國同一間大學,為的只是一個答案.
難道女人真是視覺動物嗎?還是感覺動物呢?在這世代,網路早把所有人拉成同一溝通平面,過去階層式的社會結構,只有有權有勢的人群可以發言,但至今,無論人群的階層,只要會打字會使用網路,人們都可以有同樣個權利把自己的聲音發聲至全世界,但常常給人有幻覺不切實的感覺,不免要猜測網路後面的任何可能性.然而我也在這樣的平台上得知道,過去的他,與另一個她陷入在關係裡面.而我,跨過太平洋,只是想聽到他親口對我說理由,親眼看到他們一起在校園裡,我要的不只是視覺上的證據,更要他親口對我說出事實的震撼.這樣的我,是不是既是視覺也是感覺動物呢?
闊別八個月後,我回到美國同一間大學,為的只是一個答案.
難道女人真是視覺動物嗎?還是感覺動物呢?在這世代,網路早把所有人拉成同一溝通平面,過去階層式的社會結構,只有有權有勢的人群可以發言,但至今,無論人群的階層,只要會打字會使用網路,人們都可以有同樣個權利把自己的聲音發聲至全世界,但常常給人有幻覺不切實的感覺,不免要猜測網路後面的任何可能性.然而我也在這樣的平台上得知道,過去的他,與另一個她陷入在關係裡面.而我,跨過太平洋,只是想聽到他親口對我說理由,親眼看到他們一起在校園裡,我要的不只是視覺上的證據,更要他親口對我說出事實的震撼.這樣的我,是不是既是視覺也是感覺動物呢?
- 1月 20 週六 200721:00
30 hours 一人旅行
天啊~我做到了,從台灣到洛杉磯大約 10 hours 40 mins.
昨晚大約七點半開始起程, 阿嬤就在我們家巷口等我下樓,一看到我就張開雙手要個擁抱,我深深的給他了一個大擁抱,阿嬤一面抱著我一面哭說要我好好照顧自己,我也跟他說, 那當然!! 希望他也可以好好照顧自己. 我,爸爸,媽媽和阿媽就一起坐爸爸的計程車往中正國際機場出發，我因為前晚已經在家中上網Check-in所以很快就準備好可以入關,沒多久後就見到阿官,文明,宜謙和少俊(送機團)大夥圍在一起聊個天,沒多久後在入關處跟大家拍找留念, 給每個人大擁抱後, 我就入關了,大夥就散去
不過當我找到登機門後,就忍不住要大哭了!!快快拿起身上銅板到電話亭打給他們,哭哭哭!!哭到上飛機去了! 挨~~又要一年後才可以見了
昨晚大約七點半開始起程, 阿嬤就在我們家巷口等我下樓,一看到我就張開雙手要個擁抱,我深深的給他了一個大擁抱,阿嬤一面抱著我一面哭說要我好好照顧自己,我也跟他說, 那當然!! 希望他也可以好好照顧自己. 我,爸爸,媽媽和阿媽就一起坐爸爸的計程車往中正國際機場出發，我因為前晚已經在家中上網Check-in所以很快就準備好可以入關,沒多久後就見到阿官,文明,宜謙和少俊(送機團)大夥圍在一起聊個天,沒多久後在入關處跟大家拍找留念, 給每個人大擁抱後, 我就入關了,大夥就散去
不過當我找到登機門後,就忍不住要大哭了!!快快拿起身上銅板到電話亭打給他們,哭哭哭!!哭到上飛機去了! 挨~~又要一年後才可以見了
