Devil & Angel

Lately, I was thinking” how good is good enough.” How to be a real one on the earth also? I read one note on face-book from a friend of mine. The note mentioned how to fight with depress and also about being a real you! Do yourself and deal with all the pressure upon you. Sometimes you should need to fight for yourself. The things the note mentioned that I totally agreed with but I just couldn't help thinking, who is real I on the earth? Therefore, I even couldn't define myself and then how can I be myself as well? “Easier said then done” I really don’t know who I am again. When people leave from their own country to another one, people may feel excited about that, they may feel everything is so interesting and so attracting. After a while, people may feel sick about all of the things and start to feel homesick, and they may want to get out of there. People may complain everything around them and never agree with that. Worse than this they HATE it. They tried to fit into the culture, but eventually, it doesn’t work at all. “When people feel confused about the own identities, sometimes it’s a helpful sign for that people are going to go though culture shock”. There is my second time for culture shock experience. I have lots of friends here, but how many is real friends of mine? I can speak in English but I don’t feel I belong here. The fact that is what I can do that doesn’t mean anything for me. I try to fit into this country so hard, I eat what they eat, I wear what they wear, I do what they usual do, but still I don’t belong here. I realized I have two identities, Taiwan and America, but I’m not either of them. I work so hard, but eventually, friend of mine said I’m his burden. We are judged by people all the time and it is understandable b/c we are foreigners. People may judge what we wear, what language we spoke, things are kind of for good. But when people’s passion past away, who really want to know us? Back to the point, am I worth to be an outcast of here? I don’t know. I HATE cultural shock. How to be a real me? I lost myself and I don’t know my identity. What I know is I don’t want be an outcast and I’m not a burden of people. Who am I, Ellsa? Taiwanese? American? NO…I’m a monkey of circus.