Devil & Angel

A year ago, American friend of mine wrote me an email, and told me that I was not an independent girl. I depended on him too much. He didn’t want me become to his burden at all. So the friendship didn’t work out, eventually. After a year, I was still carrying on these words which caused me not to stay in free at Unite States. I never felt I was good or fine. I never stopped learning everything about American culture and English as well, even though I did good that I still felt I’m friends’ burden. I was a crap and I pushed myself so hard. I had really low self-esteem when I hung out with American. I would never felt comfortable with American. I was punished by myself with these words until spring break. I went to New Orleans for mission trip. I really have no idea what did I want to prove myself during this trip. Apparently, It was a searched-myself trip. We worked for God; we worked together and shared everyday together. We are family of Christ. During the trip, I can’t speak Chinese; I have to take care of myself, even though sometimes I can’t catch up some conversations but I can figure out later on. I spoke out at the group meeting to share how I appreciated this trip and these friends. Some friends love to hang out with me after working all the day. Therefore, I was always around people. Sometimes I made lots of jokes and they love it. Every night during this trip, I always asked myself, Am I a burden for them? I don’t think so. I should let the words go--Just let it go. This morning I went church. I told God, “Please tell me, I’m not a burden of American. Please let me free.” I cried so hard. It was so hurt. I believe THE friend of mine should be the person is punished instead of me. I forgive him for his blindness because I lost one good friendship but God gave me lots of friends and my self-esteems back. I should be a girl worthy to be loved. I should be a girl who can do herself. I should be a girl who sometimes can be relax and lazy. I am a girl who should live in free. Thanks for everyone who loves me. I’m appreciated. I love you all.